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Dating, Sex & Love With HIV

An illustration showing a couple from behind their medicine cabinet. In the foreground of the illustration are the two shelves in the medicine cabinet with various pill bottles on them. In the background you can see the couple nuzzling each other. The person on the left is male-presenting and has medium-brown skin, short brown hair, a beard without hair on his cheeks and freckles. He is wearing a wedding ring and taking a bottle with the label "H.I.V. Pills" on it from the cabinet. The person on the right is male-presenting with medium tan skin, short brown hair and a full beard on his face. The word "Embodied" is at the top of the illustration.
Charnel Hunter

About half of all HIV-positive people in long term relationships have HIV-negative partners. This mixed-status life affects everything from sex and intimacy to immigration. 

The attraction was immediate when Eka Nasution met Rainer Oktovianus at a film festival in Jakarta in 2010. Rainer helped Eka start one of the films and noticed how cute Eka was. About a year into their relationship, Eka and Rainer went to get tested for HIV together — and discovered that Rainer was HIV-positive.

Eka and Rainer celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary earlier this year, and host Anita Rao talks with them about their long-term relationship as a mixed-status — or serodiscordant — couple. They discuss scientific advances, like the “undetectable = untransmittable” (or U=U) concept, and how medications like PrEP have affected their sex life. Rainer and Eka also share how Rainer’s positive status complicated their immigration experience when moving from Indonesia to Canada..

Rainer works as a photographer and user experience designer, and Eka works as a project management professional.

Anita also talks to Diana Koss, who was born with HIV, about how her diagnosis has impacted relationships with family, friends and romantic partners. Diana breaks down how she handles disclosure and the fear of rejection, and she talks about sharing her own journey to self-acceptance on her YouTube channel, Born Positive.

Special thanks to Bianca Ordoñez and an anonymous listener for their contributions to this episode. We appreciate you!

Read the transcript

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Audrey Smith is a writer, educator, and temporary producer of "Embodied" based in Greensboro, NC. She holds a Master's degree in Secondary English Language Arts Education from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro (2018) and a Master of Fine Arts degree in Nonfiction Writing from Oregon State University (2021).
Anita Rao is an award-winning journalist, host, creator, and executive editor of "Embodied," a weekly radio show and podcast about sex, relationships & health.
Amanda Magnus is the executive producer of Embodied, a weekly radio show and podcast about sex, relationships and health. She has also worked on other WUNC shows including Tested and CREEP.