Host Anita Rao is nearing her first wedding anniversary — something she never imagined herself saying! It wasn’t a question of desiring and finding a life partner, but the idea of participating in the ritual of a wedding, or even the institution of marriage, that gave her pause.
There was the fact that marriage’s origins have roots in ownership, particularly of a woman. Plus, she knew her dad would want a Hindu wedding ceremony that reinforced some of those gender inequities. These conundrums aren’t unique to Anita’s experience: the marriage rate has dropped nearly 60% in the last 50 years. And when the ceremonies do occur, there are now more same-sex, interracial and interfaith weddings involving a meld of old and new traditions.
Anita talks with two officiants about how they find out exactly what a couple values and bring that to old rituals — or build something from the ground up. Raja Gopal Bhattar officiated Anita’s wedding to her husband, and they were an instrumental part of blending the values of Anita’s feminist millennial partnership with the desires of her tradition-loving dad. Raja talks about preserving the intention of centuries-old Hindu traditions without patriarchal or heteronormative overtones and how showing up as a genderqueer officiant has further connected them to their community and identity.
Anita also talks with Kelli Dunham, a comedian, nurse and queer ex-nun who has officiated weddings involving everything from fire ceremonies to pets standing up for the couple. Kelli talks about the creativity that queer couples have long brought to marriage ceremonies and why she continues to officiate even while not wishing to get married herself.
Special thanks to Anita’s dad, Satish Rao, for guest starring in this episode to share his journey from skepticism to enjoyment of Anita’s reimagined ceremony.
