Zach Selwyn: Jeopardy! and Baseball's All-Star Game

Published July 12, 2004 at 12:00 AM EDT

Musician and sports commentator Zach Selwyn sings about what it might be like if Jeopardy phenomenon Ken Jennings was quizzed on this year's Major League Baseball All-Star Game:

The category is sports... / This slugger whose bat always rocks now leads the major in all-time walks / BING! Yes, Ken Jennings.

The answer is, who is Barry Bonds -- he puts baseballs into McCovey Pond.

That's correct Ken, and my what a streak / My goodnesss what a what week / Every category never sounds Greek / You've won $800 grand Ken please speak.

Well I like to thank my mom should I have a chance / And I'd like to send love to the Tour de France / I can't believe the courage of Armstrong, Lance / And he does it all in such tight pants.

Now Ken more people know your name / Thank the starters of baseball's All-Star game / On first Jason Giambi does stand / That's what happens when you leave voting up to the fans.

'Cause he's hitting under .245 / A fastball or a Yugo he should not ever drive / Plus he's been hurt been weak at the knees / And has 15 homers less than David Ortiz -- who's not starting, by the way.

But Ken the real surprise here that raises some thoughtsa / Is Roger Clemens pitching to Mike Piazza? / Since the Subway Series there's been much hate / Will Piazza aim for Clemens from behind the plate?

Well I see the headlines in this week's news / Piazza beams Clemens -- ooh, big bruise / And while he's in a coma we'll hear a collective ouch / From deserving all-stars at home on their couch.

So while Bobby Abreau takes an at-bat / Steve Finley's at home doing nothing getting fat / Don't forget this game determines home field / You'll be crying when you lose like when onions are peeled.

Well Ken I agree this game ought to be major / And it's time for Final Jeopardy, buddy what's your wager? / All your cash? That's risky my friend / The question is: This guy will win again.

You mean be on Jeopardy counting his winnings / I believe the answer is who is Ken Jennings / That's correct son / Now how do you feel? / You're so successful it must not seem real...

I'm the smartest man in America but it's odd / I still make one-30th less / Than A-Rod from the Yankees -- who's starting, and only hitting 274...