Sandwich Monday: McDonald's Mighty Wings

By Ian Chillag

Published September 30, 2013 at 1:23 PM EDT

Chicken wing restaurants continue to pop up everywhere in this country — there are Wingstop, Buffalo Wild Wings, Aaron Sorkin's West Wings. Now, McDonald's is getting in on the act with Mighty Wings. They're available in three-piece, five-piece, and Who-Am-I-Kidding-I've-Got-Nothing-Left-To-Prove-piece.

Peter: I was as surprised to find an actual bone in this as I would be to find a bone in a banana.

Eva: How McDonald's got the bones in the nugget is the modern version of the classic ship in a bottle mystery.

Ian: Yeah, Mighty Wings are basically McNuggets With Choking Hazards.

Miles: The new advertising calls them "bold," and it's not kidding. One of these wings just asked my girlfriend out.

Ian: When you die at a state fair, this is what your wings look like when you get to heaven.

Eva: I just don't want to know what horrible workplace accident led to this. "Let's just call it a wing and sell it!"

Peter: It was genuinely a surprise to see that McDonald's food comes from actual animals. I thought all this time it was made from the people still sitting there when they close.

We told Robert whoever could pull the bone from the Mighty Wing got to be King of England.

Robert: This is what happens when a first-year student at Hogwarts spills Skele-Gro on his owl nuggets.

Miles: It's strange that, in all of the pictures of that pink slime, we never noticed it had wings.

After being surprised by the bone in the Mighty Wing, Eva vows to X-ray all her food before she eats it from now on.

Miles: So, if the Hamburgers have the Hamburglar, what do Mighty Wings have? The Bone Collector?

Robert: The only animal I ever heard called mighty was Mighty Mouse. Come to think of it, that might have been a more palatable menu option.

This photograph represents Mike's favorite Fox Network crime comedy-drama.

Ian: The Mighty Shamrock Shake has leprechaun bones in it. So tiny!

Eva: If you get the wishbone, you can wish to go back in time before you ordered this.

Peter: I'm a little worried about the bin that says "PLACE BONES HERE FOR RECYCLING."

[The verdict: Unsettlingly delicious! If you like a McNugget, you'll like this, but don't swallow them whole the way you do with a McNugget.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists atWait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.