Updated January 23, 2026 at 8:39 AM EST
On a recent chilly afternoon in Copenhagen, sitting outside a cafe with blinking heat lamps, Company Sergeant Major Henrik Bager shared a Danish expression.
"You have a cup. When it's filled, you need to empty it so you don't get stressed or angry or to do stupid stuff," he explained.
Earlier this month, his cup was full – after escalating rhetoric from President Trump and others in his administration about how Denmark hasn't done enough to secure Greenland, that they've been a poor ally.
"The first time it felt like a punch to the gut," said Bager, who has deployed five times to serve alongside Americans, including in Afghanistan and Iraq. "You can survive one punch in the gut. When it just keeps on going, then it fills you up with sadness, disappointment, anger."
So he emptied those feelings into a letter that reads like a poem. He sent it via Facebook to former U.S. Ambassador to Denmark Rufus Gifford.
Dear Rufus Gifford,
I’m not writing as a politician.
Not as an analyst.
I’m writing as a Danish Afghanistan and Iraq veteran.
And yes – this brings tears to my eyes.
When the U.S. today calls Denmark a poor ally, it feels like a slap in the face to those of us who were actually there.
After 9/11, Denmark did not hesitate.
We didn’t debate polls.
We didn’t calculate politics.
We put on our gear.
We said goodbye to our families.
We kissed our children goodnight and hoped we’d see them again.
We stood side by side with American soldiers.
We patrolled together.
We covered each other.
We bled together.
And we lost people.
Danish soldiers never came back home because we took the alliance seriously – not as words, but as a promise between soldiers.
So when Denmark is called disloyal, it doesn’t just hit a country.
It hits those of us who wore the uniform.
It hits the fallen.
It hits the families still paying the price.
We don’t expect thanks.
We don’t expect applause.
But we do expect honesty.
And respect for history.
Denmark was there when it mattered.
And we were not half-hearted.
A solider never forgets who stood by his side.
Nations shouldn’t either.
Thanks for your voice, you have the respect from the Danish people.
Bager never expected a response.
But Gifford did see it.
"I got so emotional when I read it," Gifford said. "It hits me right here – in the heart." Bager and Gifford met in person for the first time on Monday, and jointly spoke with NPR.
Gifford said his reaction is borne, in part, from a sense of responsibility. Denmark is a member of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO), along with the U.S.
"You think about the success of this alliance, which is about sticking up for your friends just as much as it is about sticking up for yourself," Gifford said. "You think about Article Five, this idea that if you attack one of us, you attack all of us, which has only been invoked once — and that was after 9/11, which is why Henrik went to Afghanistan."
Bager said he served as a squad leader in the Helmand Province in southern Afghanistan in 2009, one of the deadliest battlegrounds of the war.
"We had the Taliban at our doorstep," he said.
His father died during that deployment.
"I went home, buried him, said goodbye to my sister and mother again, and then I flew back and fulfilled my task," he recalled. "That's how devoted we are when we go out — the Danish soldiers."
He said three Danish soldiers were killed and another 22 wounded during his deployment. Denmark had one of the highest per capita death rates among allied countries during the conflict — 43 recorded deaths — a reality that has weighed heavily on a country with a population of roughly 6 million people.
"For those families who didn't get their soldier home, sitting and listening to this rhetoric being used, it must be more painful, hurtful than it is for me – and I can feel it all the way to my bones," he said.
Bager, 47, described how Danish soldiers plan their potential funerals, should the worst happen.
"What kind of songs we want to have played in the church, what flowers we want to have on the coffin," he remembered.
They write goodbye letters, too.
"A letter for my mom, dad, my sister, my nephews, my kids, my wife — you don't just write one letter," he said. "You want to make it very personal because it's the last words your family will hear from you."
Gifford said it's a reminder of the sacrifice Danes have made in the name of the longstanding alliance between Denmark and the U.S.
"The idea that we would, over the course of one year, create an adversarial relationship with the best friends that we have on the planet is just unthinkable to me," he said.
"Trust is something that takes years to build and you can break it in an instant," Gifford added. "We have been spending decades building trust across borders, in particular with our NATO allies, and it breaks my heart in such a profound way to see the rate at which that trust has eroded in the last year."
Bager made a point of acknowledging his American brothers-in-arms.
"If any American veterans are listening to this, thank you for your service," he said. "I hope that in the future, we can meet up again – hopefully not on the battlefield, but on other missions that are more peaceful. Freedom runs deep for those who fight for it."
'All those deaths seem disrespected'
Bager's is one of a chorus of voices in Denmark expressing pain and disappointment with the rhetoric coming from the Trump administration.
Last spring, Vice President JD Vance told Fox News that Denmark was "not being a good ally" and not doing enough to defend Greenland. More recently, Trump has ramped up his crusade for the U.S. to acquire Greenland, ignoring Danish sovereignty.
"A lot of people know people who have served and who have died in Afghanistan," said Villads Welling, a 21-year old political science student at the University of Copenhagen. "And all of those deaths seem disrespected and like they don't matter now because [the Trump administration] is saying that Denmark is not doing enough and they are not a good ally."
Peter Jensen, 63, said the casual way Trump has talked about acquiring Greenland is offensive, and throws into question the longstanding relationship and alliances between the U.S. and Denmark.
"Betrayal is probably the best word," Jensen told NPR. "Someone you trust, someone you'd do your best to back up when needed, and suddenly – they stab your back."
Jensen's son and son-in-law are veterans.
"Having kids going to war, I can tell you, this is heartbreaking," he said. "You thought you were tough. They are young – they [think] they are invincible. But you are older and you know they're not invincible."
While Trump once flirted with the idea of acquiring Greenland by force, he ruled it out in a speech Wednesday. But Jensen said damage has already been done.
"This is not forgotten," he said. "Even if things calm down around Greenland tomorrow, there are already some long-term effects on what has happened here."
He's quick to emphasize his anger and disappointment is directed at the White House – not the American people.
"Remember that we love America, we love you — but the present administration is just making chaos," he said.
Taking the Stars and Stripes down
Søren Knudsen, a retired officer with the Danish army, said one of the proudest acknowledgments he's received in his 42-year career came after he served as Deputy Commander of a NATO mission in Afghanistan.
"Upon leaving the mission in 2012, the Americans honored me with The Stars and Stripes that were flown in the face of the enemy," he said.
"That was a great, great honor. If you give your national colors to a representative of another nation – that is not just something you do. That means a lot," he said. Knudsen was also awarded a Bronze Star.
He and his wife Gina Schaar, who is American-born, hung the framed flag and plaque proudly in the entrance of their home in Ølby.
"If you have gotten such a strong token that you were so proud of, you would show it to everyone – the first thing they see when they entered our house was this," Knudsen said in an interview in his home.
That changed after Vance's comments last spring, which left Knudsen with a mix of emotions: "pain, betrayal, sadness."
"I walked down the stairs and said, no way, I'm not going to show this," he said, pointing to the wall where it once was displayed. "It was an award that I got on behalf of my efforts, my country's efforts, my comrades' efforts, and now they say it doesn't matter anymore."
Knudsen took the frame down. In its place hangs a painting of a vase with white tulips.
"I was always so proud that I'm married to a foreigner, and yet he is supporting my country. He is risking his safety and his security in support of a mission that my country has asked," Schaar said. "That was something that strengthened our bond as an international couple, and so it feels even worse to have that disparaged."
The couple said they worry the Trump administration's rhetoric about Denmark risks a fundamental change in the relationship between their two countries.
"It's brute power, and no more history," Knudsen, 65, said. "No more alliances. No more confidence."
Schaar added she never thought it would get to this point.
"I never dreamed that there would be this antagonism between two places that I love."
Knudsen, who serves as the vice chairman of the Danish Veterans Association, said it's important for Americans to understand how popular the U.S has been in Denmark.
"The Danes have felt the U.S. was a beacon and a leader of the free world," he said. "What [Danish soldiers] went out for was defending values alongside America, alongside the nation that we believed in."
Knudsen said the present situation is so painful because he believes in the transatlantic alliance, in the economic, security and cultural ties that have bound the U.S. and Denmark together.
"Gina has taught me this, and I need to stay focused on this – there could be a day where the Stars and Stripes would come up again," he said. "I hope one day there is a comeback."
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