An infertility diagnosis can send some cis men down a dark path where their sense of self is shaken. Despite how common this experience is, men are often left without resources and community with other men to help navigate this challenging time.
Host Anita Rao talks with journalist Jared Wright about his own fertility journey that inspired a story for VICE. Jared and his wife started trying for a baby when they got married in 2020 and are currently undergoing treatments. But in speaking with other Black men going through similar experiences, he found a lack of dialogue and a lack of resources.
Urologist Dr. Paul Shin joins the conversation to offer insight into the wide range of different causes and treatments for male infertility. Paul shares how men tend to not engage with the medical system in the same ways women do until they receive an infertility diagnosis and the importance of getting tested for early detection and intervention.
Anita also talks with James D’Souza, a teacher and writer based in the U.K., about the decision to stop pursuing parenthood after a ten year fertility journey with his wife. He shares his perspectives on redefining success and masculinity for himself in hopes of bringing attention to overlooked stories and inspiring others to make healthy choices.
Thanks to Alex of Pursuing Fatherhood, Brandon Johnson and Jon Summers of Infertility Man for their contributions to this episode.
What stands in the way of men talking about infertility?
“I think men who are dealing with fertility and infertility confront their masculinity in a way that no other man does … I questioned myself. Am I a man if I can't have children?”
-James D’Souza, writer and teacher
“Women have menstrual cycles … they get used to going to see the gynecologist on a regular basis. There's a comfort level with talking about reproduction that just doesn't exist for men. For a lot of my guys, their first real engagement with the medical system is an infertility diagnosis and it's devastating on so many different levels.”
-Dr. Paul Shin, urologist at Shady Grove Fertility
“I had asked my urologist when he saw that again that I had zero sperm, and I needed to have a couple of procedures in order to hopefully retrieve some sperm … ‘Are there any resources for Black men or men who are dealing with this? Is there something I can read?’ And my urologist, who was great, but he just said, ‘No, not that I know of.’”
-Jared Wright, journalist
