PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
BILL KURTIS: Bim has four.
SAGAL: Oh, my goodness.
KURTIS: Tom has three. Brian has two.
SAGAL: That means, Brian, that you are in third place. That means you will be up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, House Democrats nominated blank as the next speaker of the House.
BRIAN BABYLON: Nancy Pelosi.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, lawmakers in Ukraine declared martial law in several cities that border blank.
BABYLON: Russia.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, employees of search giant blank released a statement saying the company now values profit over ethics.
BABYLON: Google.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Shoppers who bought $600 shoes at an upscale Los Angeles boutique called Palessi were upset to discover it was really blank.
BABYLON: Payless.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: In disguise.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, scientists claimed that a cure for male pattern blank may be found soon.
BABYLON: Baldness.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Thursday, representatives for Amazon reported that this year's blank led to total sales of $2.2 billion.
BABYLON: African-American Friday.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
BABYLON: Cyber Monday.
SAGAL: You know Cyber Monday is the answer. This week, a man in Connecticut is contesting a $300 ticket he got for talking on the phone while driving saying police mistook blank for a phone.
BABYLON: Oh, they mistook a hearing aid.
SAGAL: No, a McDonald's hash brown.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: OK.
SAGAL: He was given the ticket for distracted driving back in August, but he's heading to court this week to convince a judge that what police thought was a cellphone was actually just a hash brown from McDonald's. Say what you will. The only way you can ever get Grimace on the line is by using a hash brown phone.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Brian Babylon do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Pretty darn good. He got five right, 10 more points. He's in the lead with 12.
SAGAL: All right, Mr. Tom - congratulations.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Mr. Tom Papa, you are up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump said that a pardon for blank was, quote, "not off the table."
TOM PAPA: Manafort.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, Defense Secretary Jim Mattis urged senators to continue backing the Saudi-led coalition in blank.
PAPA: Saudi-led coalition in Congress?
SAGAL: No, in Yemen.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You're not that far off. Dutch police, after finding 350,000 euros hidden in a washing machine, detained a man on suspicion of blank.
(LAUGHTER)
PAPA: Laundering money.
SAGAL: Exactly.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: According...
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: ...To a study released on Monday, teens are more likely to try blank before cigarettes or alcohol.
PAPA: Vaping.
SAGAL: Pot actually. On Monday, the CDC...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Reported that it was now safe to eat blank as long as it didn't come from central California.
PAPA: Weed.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Romaine lettuce. A Pennsylvania woman claimed to authorities that she was only driving her car on train tracks because blank.
PAPA: She was high.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
PAPA: There's weed all over the place.
SAGAL: Her GPS told her to.
(LAUGHTER)
PAPA: She was high.
SAGAL: Police...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Police who responded to a call about a car on the railroad tracks found a completely sober woman who explained that she was just going the way her GPS told her to. Wow, a good shortcut - a little bumpy, though. No one was injured. Her car was safely removed from the tracks. And the woman got home in record time following her great new route across the airport runway.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Tom do on our quiz?
KURTIS: He got a lot of laughs for getting two right.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That's what's important.
(APPLAUSE)
PAPA: I know my job.
SAGAL: All right, then, so how many does Bim need to walk away with this?
KURTIS: Four to tie, five to win.
SAGAL: Oh, we can do this. On Tuesday, Republican Cindy Hyde-Smith beat Mike Espy in a Senate runoff election in blank.
BIM ADEWUNMI: Mississippi.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Monday, President Trump said that he did not believe a dire federal report about blank.
ADEWUNMI: Climate change.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: A new report from the CDC this week revealed that the American's average blank has dropped to 78.7 years.
ADEWUNMI: Life expectancy.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Sunday, emergency workers said that the Camp Fire in blank had been a hundred percent contained.
ADEWUNMI: In California.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Thursday, the FDA approved a new cutting-edge drug for fighting blank.
ADEWUNMI: Cancer.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, Margaret Atwood announced she was writing a sequel to blank.
ADEWUNMI: "The Handmaid's Tale."
SAGAL: Yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
ADEWUNMI: A feel-good comedy.
SAGAL: Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It feels like we're all writing a sequel for that. This week, an Irish soccer team had to apologize after they blanked in order to get out of a match.
ADEWUNMI: I know what I want to say.
(LAUGHTER)
ADEWUNMI: But I will say danced a jig.
SAGAL: No, after they faked a player's death to get out of the match.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The manager of Ballybrack FC, an amateur team in Ireland, told league officials that his team couldn't play in the weekend's game because one of their players, Fernando LaFuente, had died in a tragic traffic accident. This came as a surprise to LaFuente, who was very much alive and working in his office job when he heard the news of his own untimely death.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The team was eventually called out. They apologized. They said the manager would be happy to accept any punishment, but sadly, he died in a tragic traffic accident...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Just yesterday. Bill, did Bim do well enough to win?
KURTIS: She got six right, 12 more points, total of 16. And she's the champion.
SAGAL: There you go.
ADEWUNMI: Yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
PAPA: Bravo.
(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.