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Lightning Fill In The Blank

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: P.J. and Alonzo each have two, and Faith has three.

SAGAL: Oh, my goodness. All right, we have flipped a coin. P.J., you have elected to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. Officials reported Thursday that the mastermind behind the attacks in blank was killed in a police raid.

O'ROURKE: France, Paris.

SAGAL: Yeah, Paris.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a new report from the CDC, the number of adults who blank has dropped to an all-time low.

O'ROURKE: Smoke.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, actor blank revealed that he is HIV positive.

O'ROURKE: Charlie Sheen.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: In the largest seizure of contraband in its history, the Los Angeles airport stopped a smuggler with 450 pounds of blank.

O'ROURKE: Marijuana?

SAGAL: No, it is pork tamales.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: For the first time ever, the FDA approved consumption of an animal that had been blanked.

O'ROURKE: (Laughter) Had been declared extinct.

SAGAL: No, had been genetically modified.

O'ROURKE: Oh, genetically modified.

SAGAL: This week, Chicago police arrested a woman for property damage after she was told she could not blank at a Denny's.

O'ROURKE: That she could not blank at a Denny's, yeah. Well, my first inclination would be, say, eat.

SAGAL: No, she was perfectly allowed to eat at the Denny's.

O'ROURKE: Oh, you are?

SAGAL: But she could not share her $4 all-you-can-eat pancake special with her friends.

O'ROURKE: I see.

SAGAL: The unidentified woman, who we'll refer to here as Pancake Jesus...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Was only trying to feed the masses, not with loaves and fishes, but with a never-ending supply of pancakes. When the manager of Denny's told her she was really not allowed to do that, the woman and her friends got up to leave, but not before she angrily kicked in the restaurant's door. After being told she was charged with assault and property damage, the woman was made twice as mad when police explained that she would not be able to split the jail sentence with her three friends.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did P.J. do on our quiz?

KURTIS: He got three right.

O'ROURKE: Three? Wow.

KURTIS: Six more points. He now has eight and the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

O'ROURKE: (Laughter) OK.

SAGAL: So Alonzo...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...You, my friend, are up next. Fill in the blank. This week, Louisiana Governor blank suspended his campaign for the GOP nomination.

ALONZO BODDEN: Bobby Jindal.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the Federal Reserve suggested that they may start raising blanks in December.

BODDEN: Interest rates?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Last weekend, UFC fighter Holly Holm knocked out the formerly undefeated blank.

BODDEN: Ronda Rousey.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After being repeatedly insulted by him, a referee at a Costa Rican soccer match ejected blank from the game.

BODDEN: Messi?

SAGAL: No, he ejected the stadium play-by-play announcer.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Nine years after its debut, the Microsoft announced this week they were discontinuing service for their MP3 player, the blank.

BODDEN: The Zune.

SAGAL: The Zune.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, Chicago Cubs third baseman Kris Bryant was named the National League's blank.

BODDEN: Rookie of the year?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man in Austria who got a parking ticket told police he didn't actually park illegally. What really happened was blank.

BODDEN: Sign fell down?

SAGAL: No, what really happened was that four bodybuilders came by, lifted up he's legally parked car and moved it to an illegal spot.

BODDEN: That was my second guess.

SAGAL: That's what he said. Then man contesting a $65 ticket claimed he was the victim of four super-strong pranksters. The police did not believe him. And now, on top of his parking ticket, the man is facing an additional $6,000 fine for lying to an officer. Meanwhile, the four bodybuilders are laughing through the gap in their front teeth and looking for their next victim.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alonzo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Pretty good. Alonzo got five right, 10 more points. Twelve now gives him the lead.

SAGAL: All right. So therefore...

(APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: All right.

SAGAL: How many does Faith need to win? How many does Faith need to win?

KURTIS: Five to win.

SAGAL: Here we go, Faith. This is for the game. Doesn't seem that hard. The U.S. formally ended medical testing on blanks.

FAITH SALIE: Oh, chimps. Chimpanzees.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Human rights activists are up in arms this week after law enforcement in the Philippines used blank to disperse peaceful protestors.

SALIE: Katy Perry songs.

SAGAL: Close, Bee Gees music.

SALIE: No, they also used Katy Perry.

SAGAL: Oh, I'm sorry. I am corrected. I am corrected.

SALIE: They also used "Islands In The Stream" by Dolly Parton, which would not make me disperse.

O'ROURKE: Well, I didn't do it.

SALIE: I would stay and sing.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: I'm out of there.

SAGAL: She is correct. She is correct.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Carly Simon revealed that at least one of the verses in her famous song blank is about Warren Beatty.

SALIE: "You're So Vain."

SAGAL: What a surprise.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, Denver Broncos quarterback blank broke the NFL record for all-time passing yards.

SALIE: Oh, come on. Denver Broncos quarterback. That guy who can throw so well - Manning.

SAGAL: Yes, Peyton Manning. Good enough.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A suspected identity thief being investigated by a federal agent got in even bigger trouble when he blanked.

SALIE: When he ran into some dark matter.

SAGAL: No, when he stole the federal agent's identity. Rohit Jawa was under investigation by the United States Postal Service for running a complicated identity theft scheme, which he used to defraud eBay, PayPal and the Postal Service. However, things get worse for Jawa when he decided to steal the identity of the agent who was investigating him.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He now faces eight counts of wire fraud and one count of stealing a special agent's identity. He's pretty sure he'll get off 'cause he recently stole the identity of a prominent criminal defense lawyer.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Faith do well enough to win?

KURTIS: She got five right, 10 more points - 13 and the win.

SAGAL: Yay for Faith.

KURTIS: Congratulations.

SAGAL: First, the Rhodes scholarship, now this.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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