After years of doing Sandwich Monday, we've decided to try a salad. In order to make the transition easier for everyone, we're eating it with "Cheesy Pizza" Flavored Salad Dressing from Chef Kidd's "Funagrette."
That last paragraph is a lie. We're eating this because they sent us a box of it and we'll eat anything you send us. Speaking of which: Office Depot, there was an incident. We need more toner.
Ian: "Funagrette" is also a good name for a product that gets kids to try cigarettes.
Jeanette: I never thought a salad could make me feel so bad about my eating habits.
Miles: This product is under the false impression that what kids hate most about salad is the dressing, when in fact what kids hate most about salad is salad.
![This is the face Peter makes when he tastes pizza salad dressing, or when you tell him <em>Antiques Roadshow</em> spoilers.](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/7683485/2147483647/strip/true/crop/1619x1214+0+0/resize/880x660!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.npr.org%2Fassets%2Fimg%2F2015%2F03%2F09%2Fimg_4838-7f1ef42e023ed6d88b0405b2522f9321fbcf9279.jpg)
Eva: I like to fold my salad in half and eat it with my hands.
Peter: A better way to get pizza-flavored salad is to just eat a pizza and then burp on a head of lettuce.
Miles: No. The only way to make a decent pizza-flavored salad is to replace all of the lettuce with slices of pizza.
![Having known and trusted pizza his whole life, Ian has no choice but to blame salad for what's happening in his mouth right now.](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/093d09f/2147483647/strip/true/crop/1620x1215+0+0/resize/880x660!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.npr.org%2Fassets%2Fimg%2F2015%2F03%2F09%2Fimg_4834-57205aab6adadf1ec01d00b37d0e06cc1512f369.jpg)
Ian: As a salad dressing, it's gross. As a proof of concept for intravenous pizza, it's promising.
Robert: This isn't nearly as authentic as that brick-oven salad bar I found in Rome.
![Robert didn't understand, but the Prime Directive prohibited us from intervening.](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/fb045ba/2147483647/strip/true/crop/1623x1217+0+0/resize/880x660!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.npr.org%2Fassets%2Fimg%2F2015%2F03%2F09%2Fimg_4842-fec394282973a843e5e3ad9e15e8bf119e694f6b.jpg)
Eva: This is what pizza looks like on the sidewalk at 3 a.m.
Peter: This isn't a way to get kids to like salad. It's a way to get them to hate pizza.
![Intern Jeanette is not having Funajeanette.](https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims4/default/7dc392e/2147483647/strip/true/crop/1595x1196+0+0/resize/880x660!/quality/90/?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.npr.org%2Fassets%2Fimg%2F2015%2F03%2F09%2Fimg_4839-57a0f1bc0eff1baa3c510a2b90e0123f99dbcf79.jpg)
[The verdict: In theory, yes! In practice, no.]
Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists atWait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me!
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