Sandwich Monday: Gravy Bread

By Ian Chillag

Published July 22, 2013 at 3:17 PM EDT

They dropped the bread in the Meat Juice. On purpose.

You may be familiar with the Italian Beef, a Chicago roast beef sandwich you can get dipped, completely, in Meat Juice (or jus, if you insist on trying to be classy while dipping a sandwich in Meat Juice). Order "gravy bread," and you get nothing but the bun, soaked, completely, in Meat Juice.

It's an old Chicago tradition we learned about yesterday. We ordered some from in downtown Chicago.

Eva: If this is what a gravy train is like, I don't think we'll be getting anywhere anytime soon.

Mike: It looks like bread that stayed in the bath too long.

Ian: The problem is there's one part where they held it, while they dipped it in the Meat Juice, and that part's not invincible.

Robert, who sleeps each night in a Gravy Bed, tries Gravy Bread.

Miles: I think this is the closest I'll ever get to knowing what it feels like to be a baby bird.

Robert: I appreciate a food that appeals to multiple generations: pre-tooth babies and post-tooth seniors.

Mike: You're right. Knowing this is out there makes the idea of growing old not so scary.

Ian: This is what the Tooth Fairy should leave under your pillow. "Sorry you lost your tooth, kid. Gum some soggy bread."

That arm just came down from the sky and offered us Gravy Bread.

Mike: This is great. I love dipping my bread in gravy, but hate the strain on my wrist and elbow.

Robert: The gravy is turning the bread back into dough!

Ian: We're eating the Benjamin Button of sandwiches right now.

Eva: This is the best accidental food invention since leftover pizza crusts.

Miles: Word has it that Gravy Bread got its start when Richard Daley accidentally dropped his grocery bag in a mud puddle.

Robert: I like a food that melts in my mouth, but I really prefer if it waits until it's actually in my mouth.

Ian:I bet this would be very popular with the North Koreans in World War Z. I'm sorry I've made two references to Brad Pitt movies today.

[The verdict: Delicious, and you can use all the energy you saved by not chewing to exercise the calories away. Probably to be avoided if you don't like soggy things, but I really like soggy things.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists atWait Wait ... Don't Tell Me.