GLYNN WASHINGTON, HOST:
From PRX and NPR, welcome back to SNAP JUDGMENT, the "Unspoken" episode. My name's Glynn Washington. And today on the show, we're digging into the things that for one reason or another remain unsaid. And get ready because we've saved you the very best seat in the house from a recent SNAP JUDGMENT live show in San Francisco, Calif. SNAP favorite Shannon Cason is about to rock the mic.
(SOUNDBITE OF SNAP JUDGMENT LIVE!)
WASHINGTON: Shannon Cason.
(APPLAUSE)
SAHNNON CASON: One of our worst fights would have to be on our honeymoon. We went on a cruise, and we went to the midnight buffet, and we brought back desserts to the room. And she had more desserts on her tray than I had on my tray. So I said, hey, you been eating a lot of salads up till the wedding.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: We married now. You ain't going to eat all that, is you?
And she threw a piece of chocolate cake at me.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: I'm dodging. I was pretty athletic back then. And I had a strawberry shortcake with whipped cream on a plate in my hands. And I'm a good aim.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: Neither one of us want to lose a good fight, so we're throwing key lime pie, creme brulee, tiramisu, German chocolate cake - I love German chocolate cake.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: Then we get tired, we lay our [expletive] down in our mess, and we make up. And that's the story of our relationship.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: One time, she asked to see my new iPhone and tossed it out the moving car.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: She had an appointment for this exclusive spa treatment. We had an argument, so I called and canceled.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: But the thing is I didn't tell her. She can find out when she gets there.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: But we would always make up, always. I'm just being honest. Don't judge me. Some of y'all was arguing on y'all way here.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: It's the storyteller's job to be real. Then we had a bright idea - let's have a baby.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: A baby is the perfect solution, right?
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: You can't fight around a baby. You can't argue with a baby in the house. Trying to have a baby starts out fun just based on how it works, you know?
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: But after a few months, it just gets to be a lot of work. And we weren't good with all that keeping track of the ovulation and 14 days before the cycle starts and all that [expletive]. We just figured if we do something every night, can't miss it, right?
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: But no baby. We go to a doctor in a office in a tall glass building, and the doctor says we may be good candidates for in vitro fertilization. The doctor explains IVF. This is what I hear. They're going to take some of her eggs, some of my sperm and mix them in a laboratory.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: This is what the doctor said. And they're going to take the fertilized egg and put it in the uterus, her uterus. I don't have a uterus.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: And nine months later - baby. The doctor gives her some pills, some needles and some literature, and the doctor hands me a cup.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: Now instead of sex every night, I can't get any. My wife just points to the cup.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: Months pass. We still fight. Sure, we still fight. We had a argument in the kitchen. I'm cooking some top ramen, and I like to put some sweet corn in it, doctor them up, make them a little more healthy. And she likes to cook them with cut-up hot dogs. And we - this is the stupidest argument in the world.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: But it turns into this big argument. It - because it's about something else, you know? So arguing in the kitchen is stupid because that's where we keep the butcher knives.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: So she chases me with the butcher knife, but she couldn't catch me. I was a lot more athletic back then.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: So we know this is going to end for us once we have the savior baby. I just want to be happy. Happiness is a home, a wife and a baby. We go back to the doctor in the tall building. They have some fertilized eggs - embryos. And the doctors do what they do. And we wait and we wait and we wait for our modern, scientific immaculate conception, but no baby. It didn't work. Our hope for a happy home didn't work. We were tired. It was too expensive to continue, so we quit. We were too disappointed to fight. We just held each other in the kitchen.
I love her, I do. I wanted us to have this. I just held her. Then I kissed her. Then we made up without even fighting beforehand.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: Right there in the kitchen - kind of hot. One month later, she came to me with a piece of plastic. She was pregnant. Eight months after that, we had a beautiful baby girl. My wife named her Madison. I didn't even argue about it. That's a beautiful name.
(LAUGHTER)
CASON: Things were already looking hopeful. Three months after Madison was born, I come home from work. Hi, honey, I'm home. Hi. Hello? Anybody home? She left with Madison all the way across the country. We divorced. And seeing my beautiful baby girl has been our worst fight. Madison was my hope, too. Madison's 6 now. She knows I'm her dad, but sometimes I go and visit and my ex-wife cancels the visit. I just roam around the city with nothing to do. When I am able to see her, she doesn't want to see me. When I call twice a week, she tells me to stop calling and hangs up.
I don't know what her mom tells her about me. I don't want to fight no more. If I tell you you win, can we stop fighting? You win. I wish I were a better man. I wish I were a better husband to you. I didn't say it when we were together, but forgive me. Forgive me. Tell Madison I miss her, and I love her, and I'll be out to see her soon.
(APPLAUSE)
WASHINGTON: Shannon Cason, ladies and gentlemen. That score - original score - composed by Alex Mandel and performed by Alex and the Snap Players, Tim Frick and David Brandt. And if you like what you've just heard, you're going to love what you're about to see. Check it out at snapjudgment.org - the full video of Shannon Cason's performance ready for your viewing pleasure right now at snapjudgment.org. And what's more - Shannon Cason has a podcast. It's called "Homemade Stories." Check out on iTunes, or wherever you get great stuff for free.
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WASHINGTON: Oh, yes, it looks like we've made it, but it is not over. Full episodes, pictures, movies, stuff - all this and more available right now at snapjudgment.org. Hit SNAP on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.
Many thanks to the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, the CPB. PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, at PRX.org. And this is not the news. No way is this the news. In fact, you could lock yourself in the local jail, throw the key out of the window, sneak a note to the next cell over, only to discover that there is no one there. The place has been closed down for 15 years. And you would still not be as far away from the news as this is, but this is NPR. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.